My wife got me a cake, I’m having my rectum removed on Tuesday.

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  1. In all seriousness, how did you and your wife stop being afraid and start laughing about this stuff? Were you guys making jokes about it right from the start?

  2. My brother had most of his colon removed years ago, and when he doesn’t care about something, his favorite joke is, “Opinions are like assholes – and I don’t have one anymore.”

  3. Thanks to the wonderful people at Ben & Jerry’s in Asheville, North Carolina. I won’t be able to walk for at least a few months, so we’re up here hiking Mount Mitchell tomorrow, hoping to go out on a high note. Last week, she placed an order for this to help with carb loading.

  4. So, tell me… How does that work? Are you going to be virtually without a controllable asshole now? Is it like a nostril, where it just becomes a hole? Or is it more like an ear hole if you lose all of the muscles?

  5. When you’re an asshole, you’re an asshole.

    Say “so long” without hesitation.

    Getting rid of your gashole

    Will make your derriere better

    There is a silver lining: it is now true.

    They can’t hold you responsible for that fart.

  6. At the very least, it’s not a “Hello Asshole” with the expectation of something going in. You’ve heard the Shrek adage, “Better out than in?”

  7. My wife had hers removed. Thanks a lot Crohn’s. She also has an ileostomy, which she has dubbed “Steve.” “This is Stoma Steve, and he talks a lot of trash,” she always adds.

  8. I got diverticulitis and had to have a foot of my colon removed. Recovery from a gruelling procedure. It was difficult to live with Wound-Vac. My colostomy reversal operation was recently completed, and I now have a large scar on my tummy. Surgery is a pain!

  9. Welcome to your new life without a rectum! I’ve been rectum-free for 5 years and am doing OK; I hope your operation goes smoothly and that your recovery is short and painless. There’s a great community at — we hope to see you there.

  10. Grandma had virtually all of hers taken years ago, and when she had to deal with a bag, I joked that she now had the distinction of having two buttholes!

  11. Wow, and here I was thinking it was just a case of his wife divorcing him and giving him a cake for some reason, but now I know that assholes can be removed, and I’m fucking frightened.

  12. My rectum was removed two years ago. Is there any ostomy bag advice? Before stooping over to pick something up, check your bag. I’ve “popped” the velcro on my bag a few times while stooping over to pick something up off the floor, resulting in a huge mess, panicking to clean said mess, and hopping in the shower and doing laundry right away. Don’t risk it if your luggage is even half filled. lol

  13. My Soul EV is from 2017. It’s a good car because there’s no engine to remember. There aren’t any. Corners and roundabouts are more fun with 400 pounds of batteries in the rear seat.

  14. Let’s hope people at least wear masks when they are I’ll and need to go out though. It was so nice skipping cold and flu season.

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